Can’t Forgive Yourself?

Posted on by Jennifer Arimborgo

“…As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col. 3:13, ESV).

Here’s a question to ponder: Does the above verse have any caveats? Are there any allowed exceptions? How about, “…As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive… unless it is your own self that you are talking about… you don’t have to forgive yourself. You can stay angry and resentful at your own self for the rest of your life if that’s easier for you…”?

No? Well, how about this question: Is harboring unforgiveness towards yourself any less of a sin than harboring unforgiveness towards others?

No? Nope. Nope on both of these questions. Unforgiveness towards yourself grieves the Holy Spirit just as unforgiveness towards others grieves Him. I believe that today Daddy wants to speak to your heart about forgiving yourself… forgiving yourself just as the Lord has forgiven you.

Think about it. The highest Judge in the land, the Just Judge, has rendered a verdict. He has considered the evidence provided, the blood of the Lamb. And He has pronounced you, “Not Guilty… Forgiven!” Who are we – you and I – to contradict this decree? Are we greater than He?

If you asked for His forgiveness, dear one, then you received it. Your sin was blotted out forever. Therefore, if you keep harboring unforgiveness towards yourself, it’s like you are setting yourself up as a higher judge. Kinda a scary thought, isn’t it?

But, but… what if our emotions scream, “I can never forgive myself for that horrible thing that I did!”? What if the sin we committed feels unforgivable? Well, we simply cannot let our emotions be our leader. Jesus must be our Leader. He wouldn’t have commanded us to live a life of forgiveness if it were out of reach to obey. He is perfectly good, perfectly just. If He gives the command, He gives the power to fulfill it.

So today, if the enemy has tried to trick you into believing that you can’t forgive yourself, renounce that lie. Holy Spirit is lovingly holding out truth and freedom to you. Decide that you will align yourself with the verdict of the Just Judge. Don’t wait until you feel like it. That day may never come. Instead, today, make a faith choice to obey. Your feelings will follow your decision.

Declare out loud your agreement with His decree over you: “Thank You, Jesus, for forgiving me. Thank You for wooing me with Your love to repentance. I repent for harboring unforgiveness towards myself. Please forgive me for not forgiving myself. I embrace Your decision to forgive me. I align my heart and soul with Your verdict that I am forgiven, not guilty.”

Hey, one more thing. Remember how Jesus said we have to forgive seventy times seven? Yep, that applies here too! Get ready to make a lifestyle out of this…

“And do not give grief to the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were marked for the day of salvation. Let all bitter, sharp and angry feeling… be put away from you” (Eph. 4:30-31, BBE).

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Forgiveness is often a journey that takes a while. How is your forgiveness journey going?

13 thoughts on “Can’t Forgive Yourself?”

  1. Thank you for this, Jennifer. God just keeps taking me deeper and deeper into His work of forgiveness. This was such a blessing. I “know” this with my head but He keeps taking it ever deeper in my heart, my body and soul. Praise Him that He never stops washing us in His grace!

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    1. And for those other returned Prodigals out there whom our accuser loves to shout at too – this verse has become so so precious to me – and God keeps proving its truth- HE is so strong for us – our daily deliverer, who never lets go of His own:

      1 John 3:20
      for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.

      As one of my Grandma friends of faith said to me recently-

      “The devil surely knows our weakness, but we are strong in God. These battles are purely spiritual. And if you weren’t so loved by God and seeking Him always and in ALL WAYS, satan would leave you alone. Expect the attacks, but don’t believe his lies.”

      Funny thing is at first I read your post and thought: oh yeah, I know that, that post isn’t for me. But the Holy Spirit was like- “no, Anna. Read it again with an open heart and pray that prayer. Let me take that truth deeper in you.”

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  2. TRUE forgiveness flows when we come to fully understand that we have such a lot of sin in our own lives but have accepted total FORGIVENESS, past, PRESENT and future when we kneel in repentance at the CROSS. HIS shed blood has done it ALL. Now we are called to do unto ‘others’ what has been done to and for us. Thank you for your post.

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  4. I found it harder to admit I was a sinner who needed forgiveness but I could no longer bear the weight of my sins. I surrendered all to Jesus and He forgave me and also Freed me from my addiction.
    The enemy still reminds me of my sins or attempts to ensnare me again.
    But I remember just how wicked I had been and nothing he can offer comes close to the peace and joy I have now Praise The Lord

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